Wednesday, May 17, 2017

TOP 10 ROFLSTOMP DRAFT PROSPECTS

TOP 10 ROFLSTOMP DRAFT PROSPECTS


While we wait in the off-season between MCGA Fantasy Drafts, this is a good opportunity put a spotlight on a new upcoming guild on the Crushridge scene. Below we will take a look at some hot draft prospects going into our ToS Season.

10 - Jerrsey

Written by Samiz


Deep from the recesses of the Congo Basin in Africa hails Jerrsey, ROFLSTOMP’s mage extraordinaire. His human-like ape aptitude led him to 2 BIS legendaries early on, establishing him as the leader of the esteemed ROFLSTOMP Neapolitan Mage brigade. He is in line for a big season, after suffering a crippling brain injury during a vine swinging incident late in the previous season, leaving his fantasy owners in disarray. If his numbers bounce back, we may really see something special for the Ranged DPS slot.

jerrsey.jpg

9 - Porassind

Written by MonnarkAny team wants an anchor as their tank, and no one personifies an anchor more than Porassind. Weighing down his peers much as he’s weighed down anything else in his long life Porrasind brings a stabilizing consistency to your team. Just as he works nine to five every day he’ll get you one point every boss, no one is as boring as Porassind. After graduating from engineering school with a 3.4 GPA he took an office job in Lubbock TX, making $56,000 a year. Getting home from his job to ignore his wife and children and work on getting you the consistent blue parse every fight. If you don’t want to risk being as disappointed in your team as Porassind is in his life than Porassind is the safe pick to anchor your team! 

porassind.jpg


8 - Juanty

Written by Soj

Juanty aka “Lil J” brings a work ethic like none other. After escaping the crime infested pits of Juárez, he has found a home in ROFLSTOMP, and is quickly carving out a name for himself as both a savvy businessman and a capable Shadow Priest. Managing a YELP reviewed 3 star roadside fruit stand while maintaining flawless raid attendance and enviable DPS numbers, Lil J is sure to be a cornerstone of any successful fantasy team.


7- Blarpkin

Written by Fron


Did you know that bees are going to be extinct soon?

6 - Brocerybag

Written by Uluraldjfklakdfjlglasdj34@#lajsdflkjglagondflujll


Being educated and buff, while also maintaining the survival lifestyle is difficult for mere mortals. 
But not for the God named Brocerybag. Known in Supermarket mythos as Brocides. He steps down to this earthly plain to greet us mere mortals every 100 years, this time in the form of a Female Orc carrying all of the booty. Brocerybag carries ROFLSTOMPs dps core on his lean, pulsating shoulders while also maintaining a scholarly and cool persona. Next time you go to your local grocery store you might hear the whispers of grocery bags on the wind but it’ll sound different, stronger, smarter. That is Brocerybag. He is your one and only true choice for your fantasy roster. Because let’s be real who is crazy enough to play survival. The proud dozens of smart and attractive gods.

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5 - Stuella

Written by Litura


When she was a young girl, Stuella always dreamed of becoming an astronaut. On an unfortunate night her junior year of college, her hopes were crushed when both of her legs were accidentally amputated above the knee in a freak accident at the bottlecap factory where she worked. Undeterred, she vowed to be the first legless woman in space. Training to become a legless astronaut was no small task - Stuella found that legs are really actually quite useful. After many years of extreme kegels to build up her strength, she finally auditioned to be a part of the astronaut academy. This was her time to shine!

Unfortunately, she failed miserably. As it turns out kegels actually have nothing to do with becoming an astronaut and she was otherwise totally unprepared. What the fuck, Stuella?

If you want a legless wonder with the strongest goddamn pelvic floor you've seen on this side of the Mason-Dixon line, pick Stuella for next season's draft!
STU.jpg

4 - Swaay

Written by Menkt It’s rare to find so much talent in just one person, yet Swaay is able to excel is several different fields that are seemingly unrelated. From stealing cars; fucking Nicolas Cage; hosting a Hip Hop morning radio show; to being a top tier raider, Swaay fully exemplifies what it means to be super-human. Zir transition from being a white dread-locked woman to a large black man so flawlessly defied expectations and is further testament to Swaay’s prowess in all facets of life. While masters of each craft, Swaay’s Warcrafting ability is second-to-none and will most definitely be a top pick going into next season’s draft.



3 - Fanceh

Written by Story
*Editor's Note: There's actually NO way I'm going to proof this.


Being named “Fanceh” has not been the easiest expectation to live up to, but this Blood Elf has stood up to the challenge excellently. Parenthood can often be a self indulgent experience, wanting to partake only in the thrill of creating life, while not really understanding the full meaning of what that entails. As parents engulfed in the competitive realm of Blood Elf  x-mog fashion, Fanceh’s parents wanted to be original in the naming of their only child.  “We wanted a name that showed not only her uniqueness, but also her upbringing and destiny for greatness.  Therefore, we decided to break from the traditional “y” and go with the unique “eh” instead,” her mother was quoted saying when exclusively interviewed by B’Elf fashion. “We always knew our daughter would be destined for greatness, not only in meters, but in the X-mog circles as well,” her father proudly proclaimed shortly after her first Holy Shock was cast, as a crit no doubt. “Why, when she first walked on to the stage, her Avenging Wrath wings shone so brightly there was no doubt in our mind she was destined for great things” a judge, that wishes to be remain anonymous, disclosed to me after a few drinks during the grand Magical Conference of the Burning Crusade.


As a journalist, I am always seeking the truth, so I have followed Fanceh’s rise to fame as closely as any in the “know” can.  From childhood, Fanceh woo’d the crowds during beauty and fashion competitions, which she only pursued as a hobby.  “I want to make my mother and father proud, that is why I try so hard. Otherwise I am just a normal Blood elf girl living for the moment” was what she told me after winning the yearly “Silvermoon Pageant” for the 5th year running. She was awarded “Silvermoon’s Sweetheart” after she bravely healed uncountable guards and hero’s during an unsuccessful raid on Silvermoon by the hated Alliance.  “My one true ambition is to lead as an astounding healer for the Horde during raid progression. Everything I am doing now leads up to that dream.” is a direct quote from her, eyes glistening brightly, during a one on one exclusive interview.

Fast forward to the future, and Fanceh is surely making her mark in the competitive raiding scene, albeit secretly.  As pressures from the Legion continues to threaten and terrorize our world, Fanceh has proudly stood up to the challenge by holding her legendary weapon “The Silver Hand” aloft.  And she does it with style, just look at that hair and X-mog!  7/10 on Mythic Nighthold is no joke (at least pre Tomb release), and though she doesn’t disclose her logs openly, we know that as a healer, being 7/10 means no one is perishing while she is healing. Well, at least not “too” often. If you are in <ROLFSTOMP> and are putting your health points in her hands, you can believe without a doubt your are in reliable, and well dressed, hands for certain!



2 - Kaeltos

Written by Jimmy

Born and raised in Oakland, CA, Kaeltos was incarcerated for robbing a 7-Eleven store.  Now he has returned, after 4 years in prison, to make a name for himself as a man that saves lives in ROFLSTOMP. An integral piece to securing Menktisbad third place in season one of the Make Crushridge Great Again Fantasy League, Kaeltos is the favorite to take first place in the healing meters!  A cinderella story in the making, Kaeltos is bound to be the best Holy paladin on the server!



1 - Supperior

Written by Menkt

While choosing the right player is important when drafting for fantasy, the spec and class of each player is a crucial consideration. Supperior bring the best of both these worlds: a fantastic grasp of WoW mechanics and awareness while playing Ret paladin, a staple to any roster. With the unique Retribution Buff, Retribution Paladins have a niche ability to pull ahead of the rest and secure you those pivotal points in any league. Being the only real option for this spec, Supperior will be a mainstay for any fantasy team.



Honorable Mentions! Here are a select few that didn't QUITE make the cut, but could still be valuable ROFLSTOMP drafts in your next season!

Mcbandwire 
Nightbane
Halebopp
Nerradain
Iv